Do you know what is the next best thing that can happen to you after Ramu Kaka’s yummy yummy jalebis? The next plate of jalebis waiting on the table. My weighing scale creaks and cries every time I try to measure the ‘few’ extra pounds I’ve gained. Big is nice, that is my mantra. I never knew I was a foodie till I tasted the ice cream from Michaels Parlor. I was so fond of their fruit salads that there were waiters who refused to serve me at the mere glimpse of my large self entering their shop. Who would like to walk back and forth seven times to serve a single customer? I was termed “Kash”tamar- meaning ‘horrible customer’! To me, the most beautiful sight is that of the Mithaai shop, in the vibrant hues of green, yellow, white and pink on display.
The moment I set my eyes on a kaaju katli, I can’t stand still. It is like a lover beckoning you. She calls out to you from under the glass display, her alumina foil rustling, alluring you. The pink paneer jamuns shine and shine pulling your attention. A bite of it and Heaven is guaranteed. Thoughts of Karachi Bakery fruit biscuit makes me salivate like my pet pup. A glimpse of homemade gulab jamuns, I would be ready to climb Everest and be back.
I was hallucinating eating parathas with chicken curry as I counted to ten on my delivery table. No wonder my daughter craves parathas and chicken curry. An article on food not mentioning the biryani would be a sin. Mughalai, Malabari, Hyderabadi, Pathani – you name it, I’ve tried it. Not just eating, cooking them too. If I were Mary Antoinette, I’d have boldly said, “If they can’t have bread, let them have mutton biryani”. If Snow White wouldn’t have been enamoured by apples, we would be having one fairy tale less. If Eve was not a foodie, she wouldn’t have touched the Forbidden Fruit and we would all be now gladly dancing in The Garden of Eden, instead of this mundane existence.
How can I forget chocolates? Ferrero Rocher! Hershey’s Kisses! Lindt milk chocolates! Life without chocolates is like fish without fins. Or a man without a wife! You have to savour it, relish it. You can never have enough of it, be it the nagging or the whimpering. If chocolates could listen, I would love to be married to one large chocolate bar!
I sit pensive as the doctor keeps talking, chiming in her sing-song voice on how controlling carbs is essential for my health and body. Carbs, diet and exercise. The mantras of the day kept figuring in her speech for ‘n’ number of times as I kept admiring her diamond earring that flashed every time she shook her head. The diamonds that looked like sugar sprinkled on a mysurpa. I smiled inwardly as she blew out a huge breath indicating she was done with me for the day.
It is not that I don’t worry about my extra large figure. I do rant and rave when I have to climb 20 steps to see my doctor. I do hate it when I see pencil stick figures walk past me in tight Levi’s looking smug and lithe as I stroll along the malls clothed in a Levi’s ‘ripper’, threatening to rip anytime. I feel and fret that I should be ‘normal’ size. I try to control my food cravings and hunger pangs with fibre biscuits that taste yuck. But all my will power is lost the moment I see KFC’s bespectacled man and his chicken calling me out to see my ‘finger licking good’. Who is bothered about the weighing scale that always is a liar or the low-carb, feel-good diet? I’d rather live short feeding on my cheese oozing pizzas, than live longer suffering the oats porridge!
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Nivedita Louis
The writer is currently Chief Booking Clerk with Southern Railways. She is married with two kids. She has a B.Com and an MBA and is an avid blogger, social activist and voracious reader. You can read more of her writings at: www.cloudninetalks.blogspot.com [/column]